There's an outstanding, in-depth article on the Huffington Post website titled "Everything You Know About Obesity is Wrong." Here's the link. Open it and read it before you read my response below. Really, it's worth the time and effort.
https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/
I call my blog "My Body, My Identity," partly because the blog is one tool in my long-term exploration of just how relevant my shape, size and condition are -- or aren't -- in answering the question, "Who am I?"
As I pored over the article, and looked at the photos of fat people (taken in the clothing and settings of their choosing), I asked myself, "Do I still count myself as part of the group/demographic referred to in the article as 'fat' or 'obese?'"
Speaking strictly by the numbers, the answers are "yes" and "no."
By widely accepted standards of body mass index, I'm not obese, but I am overweight.
By the "Smart BMI" criteria, which factor in age, ethnicity and other considerations, the number that shows up on the scale during my weigh-ins is in the green zone -- exactly right, if only I can maintain it.
"Exactly right" describes how I feel about my current body size, and how I feel when I look in the mirror or put on my bikini.
But oh, what I have to do to maintain it!
I buy baby carrots at the Portage grocery, and divvy them up into three sealable containers, so I can consume one container per day, usually in the mid-afternoon, dipped in a little bit of low-fat bleu cheese dressing.
When the mayor of Portage offers me one of his wife's home-baked cookies during the mayor's quarterly community listening session, I have one, but just one, and even then I worry.
Since my AFib episode a couple weeks ago (hey, it was two weeks ago today), I am not allowed to swim or use the therapy pool, and I've been cautioned to lessen the intensity of my land-based workouts -- and I worry that this will make my weight balloon up again.
So, how can I be "exactly right" if I have to work so hard and worry so much to stay at this weight?
How can I be "exactly right" if it's cold and gloomy, and I crave creamy or baked comfort food, but I don't dare indulge because I don't want to go more than five pounds above my goal weight?
How can I be "exactly right" when I have a sneaking suspicion -- one that might or might not be confirmed soon by a doctor -- that my weight loss itself, and all the changes in my eating and activity habits, might have been a contributing factor, or THE contributing factor, to my AFib?
Maybe my previous big weight loss (about 150 pounds between mid-2000 and 2003) ultimately failed because I'm built to be fat. Maybe my body, and not the BMI index, is the best (and certainly the most insistent) judge of just how big or fat I'm meant to be.
I'm not backing off from the battle of the bulge, and I'm not surrendering. I'm just acknowledging it for what it is -- a battle.
And whether or not I win in the long run -- whether I hold on to my current body size for years, or for life -- I will always be a "big girl," and that will always be part of my identity.
And I'll always keep advocating for other large or obese people, and will keep monitoring myself to ensure that I don't adopt the same judgmental, shaming attitude that the rest of society and most of the medical community applies to fat people.
Meanwhile, the Huff Post article should be required reading for every health care professional, and every damn insurance executive who forces health care professionals to document that they "dialogued" with their fat patients about their fatness, even when the patient came to the doctor for help with a condition not related to weight.
https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/
I call my blog "My Body, My Identity," partly because the blog is one tool in my long-term exploration of just how relevant my shape, size and condition are -- or aren't -- in answering the question, "Who am I?"
As I pored over the article, and looked at the photos of fat people (taken in the clothing and settings of their choosing), I asked myself, "Do I still count myself as part of the group/demographic referred to in the article as 'fat' or 'obese?'"
Speaking strictly by the numbers, the answers are "yes" and "no."
By widely accepted standards of body mass index, I'm not obese, but I am overweight.
By the "Smart BMI" criteria, which factor in age, ethnicity and other considerations, the number that shows up on the scale during my weigh-ins is in the green zone -- exactly right, if only I can maintain it.
"Exactly right" describes how I feel about my current body size, and how I feel when I look in the mirror or put on my bikini.
But oh, what I have to do to maintain it!
I buy baby carrots at the Portage grocery, and divvy them up into three sealable containers, so I can consume one container per day, usually in the mid-afternoon, dipped in a little bit of low-fat bleu cheese dressing.
When the mayor of Portage offers me one of his wife's home-baked cookies during the mayor's quarterly community listening session, I have one, but just one, and even then I worry.
Since my AFib episode a couple weeks ago (hey, it was two weeks ago today), I am not allowed to swim or use the therapy pool, and I've been cautioned to lessen the intensity of my land-based workouts -- and I worry that this will make my weight balloon up again.
So, how can I be "exactly right" if I have to work so hard and worry so much to stay at this weight?
How can I be "exactly right" if it's cold and gloomy, and I crave creamy or baked comfort food, but I don't dare indulge because I don't want to go more than five pounds above my goal weight?
How can I be "exactly right" when I have a sneaking suspicion -- one that might or might not be confirmed soon by a doctor -- that my weight loss itself, and all the changes in my eating and activity habits, might have been a contributing factor, or THE contributing factor, to my AFib?
Maybe my previous big weight loss (about 150 pounds between mid-2000 and 2003) ultimately failed because I'm built to be fat. Maybe my body, and not the BMI index, is the best (and certainly the most insistent) judge of just how big or fat I'm meant to be.
I'm not backing off from the battle of the bulge, and I'm not surrendering. I'm just acknowledging it for what it is -- a battle.
And whether or not I win in the long run -- whether I hold on to my current body size for years, or for life -- I will always be a "big girl," and that will always be part of my identity.
And I'll always keep advocating for other large or obese people, and will keep monitoring myself to ensure that I don't adopt the same judgmental, shaming attitude that the rest of society and most of the medical community applies to fat people.
Meanwhile, the Huff Post article should be required reading for every health care professional, and every damn insurance executive who forces health care professionals to document that they "dialogued" with their fat patients about their fatness, even when the patient came to the doctor for help with a condition not related to weight.
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