Partying in Pardeeville

There are people (Iowans, mostly) who laugh out loud when I say the name "Pardeeville."
It's a community in my newspaper's coverage area,  population about 2,000, located about 12 miles from the Columbia County seat of Portage. It's a fun and newsy village,  home of the International Watermelon Speed-eating and Seed-spitting competition, a huge Labor Day weekend antique car show, and (in my totally unbiased opinion) Columbia County's best Fourth of July celebration, bar none.
Pardeeville is where I've been for most of the last 10 Fourths of July, and it's where I'll be tomorrow.
And I'm preparing my body for what I know will be a test of strength and endurance.
The parade steps off at high noon. If the day is even a little bit sunny, it is a huge challenge to find a camera angle that isn't full of glares and shadows. That means staking out a bench near the elementary school before somebody else gets it, and jumping up and running several times while about 100 parade units pass by.
Last year, my achy-breaky knee gave me nine kinds of hell about this traditional annual news assignment. And that was before the parade started, while I moseyed through the staging area taking photos and talking to people who had particularly creative floats, most with 55-gallon drums of candy, ready to throw at parade-goers who brought plastic bags and gallon-size ice cream containers to collect it.
The new knee is protesting even now, in anticipation.
So here's our strategy for tomorrow, New Knee:

• We'll skip the Pardeeville Area Business Association breakfast. Sure, it's PABA's biggest annual fundraiser, and sure, it's a chance to hobnob with a lot of nice Pardeeville people. But the entree -- cheesy eggs, scrambled in a skillet 5 feet in diameter -- is a killer for someone who's trying to hang on to a bikini body. OK, maybe I'll come early enough to take pictures of the guys making eggs and hash browns in the giant skillet. But no eggs for me. No hash browns. And definitely no sweet rolls. Instead, I'll have a healthy breakfast at home.
• We will sit when we need to. Period. Even if I can't find a bench. And especially if it gets hot and humid.
• We will carry water. In my stocking last Christmas, I found that Santa had given me an unbreakable bottle with a charcoal filter in the spout. That bottle will be filled with chilled water, carried in my purse and frequently used. And if I empty the bottle, the folks in the Pardeeville Fire Department will be more than happy to turn on their hoses to refill it.
• In the likely event that candy comes flying at me from floats, we will take only one or two Tootsie Rolls and maybe a Dum Dum sucker. Nothing else, and no more. OK, we might score a Tootsie Pop. But just one.
• We will see if the Pardeeville Subway (my favorite Subway location in Columbia County) is open on a holiday. And if it is, we'll get a nice sandwich on 9-grain wheat, loaded down with peppers and onions, and maybe take it to Chandler Park to eat. But even if Subway is closed, we will be prepared, with an assortment of granola bars in my purse. 
• We will take a prophylactic dose of acetaminophen or ibuprofen before leaving for Pardeeville, and carry a bottle of OTC medication in case pain flares up.
• We will have a good time, as we always do in Pardeeville. Happy Fourth of July!